*TRIGGER WARNING*

Almost three years ago my best friend got raped at a party. She got blackout drunk and I guess got locked in a room with a guy. When they woke up he was naked on top of her and there was cum on her jacket. As a result she became pregnant. She was 17 at the time, and had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was ready to leave her because of it, her mother calling her a baby killer for having an abortion, and the rapist attempting suicide and ending up in rehab. She did not end up pressing charges.

I knew about this throughout most of our friendship, although we were not friends at the time of the incident. But I never knew his name, or even asked who he was... Because obviously that was very traumatic for her and I felt horrible for her.

I never asked who it was but I really wish I would have. About two weeks ago I spent the night with a guy I had been talking to. We made out and other touchy things, but we didn’t have sex. While I was getting ready I was actually on FaceTime with my best friend and I mentioned his first name, but I guess it didn’t register. It didn’t register until I said his first and last name yesterday when she came over for my birthday. I feel absolutely horrible. Absolutely like shit. I made out with my best friends rapist 😪. She says not to stress about it because I didn’t know, but I just can’t shake the feeling. It’s all I thought about all day.