I got a medical abortion on April 2 and it still hasn’t hit me. I’ve been busy with my other two kids and just daily life and I’m scared that the second I stop it’ll hit me HARD. Maybe it won’t. Idk. I just know that I’m usually late to react to these types of things but at the moment I don’t feel much. When I start to think about what could have been I get sad. But not too sad. I don’t let myself I guess. I think of how this baby would have been born in November near my birthday. I always wanted a baby born in November. Stupid I know. This baby was a total surprise to my husband and I but we felt that we couldn’t handle a 3rd child. I know for a fact I couldn’t. Could I have made it work? Maybe. But I would have been a horrible person. I would be miserable. I love my children with all I have but my mental health has suffered. I’m already on Zoloft but I am so numb to everything in life. I’m on autopilot and I don’t actually process much if that makes sense. I just keep it moving because I barely get any time to myself. My husband helps but it’s never enough even when he does a lot. So I know 2 kids is all I can handle. I worry that I will regret this randomly one day and it’ll bite me in the ass and I’ll break down. Has this happened to anyone? Have you not regretted it? Idk the point of this post but I feel I can’t really open up to anyone because I said I miscarried instead of telling the truth and saying I got an abortion. Some of my family members are against abortion and some aren’t so I just said I miscarried to make it easier. It was already a hard decision as it is. My husband also seems totally fine so I don’t want to bring him down or make him feel like I blame him because I don’t and it was a mutual decision but I just can’t really talk about it with anyone else.