Hey ladies. Most of you have been following my story from when i went into preterm labor with my babygirl last week. at 19w. Today makes it a week since one of the worst days of my life occurred. My birth story was also a horror story, for me. I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix and developed chorioamnionitis. I was on clindamycin for 3 days via iv and got discharged Monday on meds. I talked to my OB Monday and she immediately wants to start a treatment plan and wants me to start seeing a high risk specialist and said that with my next pregnancy that we will do progesterone and a cerclage at 12 weeks. Im fine with that but im so traumatized by my experience in the hospital and the way my body feels that im scared to get pregnant again. I suffer with anxiety and right now im not seeing the world the same, even though its been a week. I know it takes time to heal mentally and physically but this week has been cold, empty and just so emotional. Im happy and then i realize im waking up at 3am to pee like i did with my baby but im not feeling her up with me. Laying on my stomach feels amazing but i rather have a reason not to. I really felt like i touched death while being in labor. My body was so stressed and tired. From a seizure to crying all day everyday im just TIRED. But i need some peace of mind. How will i be sure that after all of that i will deliver my next baby and live to see her or him? Will they live with all the precautions my doctors are trying to take? im just so traumatized. I believe in God. I walk in faith and with it. I understand everything happens for a reason as well but i feel like im losin hope. I just need a pick me up, a genuine word of advice. I appreciate the love and support from all of you. So much love and prayers were given to me and my family so i know that played a part in getting me through this. I just need some positivity because right now i feel out of place and just weird. I want my baby so much and i pray that ill be blessed to have another and love him or her the same. Thank you in advance for any advice, nothing goes unappreciated. BUT let me tell y'all how our God works..i got accepted into Nursing school today!! My baby girl Zora went to heaven and blew her mommy a blessing 💜👼🏽🤸🏾‍♀️