My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months. At the beginning of March, he started treating me terribly. I didn't know all of his home life, so I just wrote it off and took all of the blows. He would distance himself constantly and isolate me, making me feel worthless. He would start fights and blame me, and then ignore me for at least a dsy posting sad things on social media. I wondered where I went wrong. He accused me twice of cheating and would ignore me after accusing me, making me feel guilty for something I didn't even do.

A few days ago, I logged into his instagram to find a picture of us he had archived. I saw his ex's name in his dms, mind you I hadn't ever been on his instagram before. I knew he worked with his ex and she had only been hired a few months ago. I was always weary about him going to work, but I thought he would be loyal because he said I give him everything he's always wanted.

The conversation was from 5 weeks ago, and apparently he had kissed her and said he missed her at work. I confronted him and sent the screenshot, he explained everything but I'm unsure if I can trust him ever again. He said he loves me and not her and he's sure, he just wanted to make her feel better. He also came clean and said they've been working together for a year and a half...not just a few months. I don't know if I can trust him because he kept this from me for almost two months.He made me feel worthless before, while he would isolate me and make me feel like I was awful, but the pain of seeing those messages and having undeniable proof of him expressing his feelings to his ex, and kissing her back, wrecked my self worth and all of my trust. I feel the love was never there. I feel like i've been lying to myself ever since I found out, having given him another chance.

The two days after I found out, he treated me like s princess... like the beginning of our relationship was. He said it was how he'd wanted to have treated me for the past couple months, but that he tried being a bad boyfriend so that I would leave and the guilt could stop eating him alive. He says that me loving him and trusting him through him being a complete dick 24/7 made him feel worse. Yesterday he said he feels like an awful person but he had put all of his mental effort into treating me with love for two days and it took a toll on him. He wants to take things slow and make me happy, but he claims that his mental health is deteriorating with me bringing up the cheating and how I feel, and he finds it hard to treat me with consistent love while hating himself. Do I want to be with someone who I know loves me or at least did at some point, even though he makes me feel hard to love?