We split up at 4 months pregnant. He stole from me and my family and sold our stuff to support his cocaine addiction... I heard from others that he was cheating on me but never had any solid proof since we shared a phone and he would log out and delete stuff before he gave the phone to me. Anyways now I’m 9 months a week away from delivering... I’ve gone through over half the pregnancy alone but I’ve been missing him the last few weeks and have felt very guilty over leaving him because our son will never have a family and that’s something I always wanted since I was raised by a single mom the majority of my childhood and she was absolutely miserable raising me on her own..

Apparently he has gotten off the drugs, and is working with his dad but his dad “controls his money” which sounds kinda odd to me, but I’d understand because when we were together he never had a job and spent all his money on drugs.

I have mental health issues, after we lost our first baby due to miscarriage I tried to kill myself and ended up in a pysch hospital for a week, it was just a dark time and I got pregnant again 2 weeks after, so it was really hard to control my emotions. He still calls me “crazy” and “psycho” and I hate it... he’s also been racist towards me in the past saying I looked like a “dirty Mexican” because we were playing glow in the dark golf and he still thinks that’s funny like that irks my soul.

I’m just scared of having to go through a custody battle or him actually trying to kidnap my son if i don’t go back to him, because he has threatened to fight me for full custody... he’s white and his parents have money so he could get the best lawyers while I’m Hispanic and on Medicaid so I’d literally have to take whatever lawyer I’m given even if they were shitty. I also have a record of mental health issues while he has a clean record... so basically it would be a hard battle. I’m just at a loss of what to do. I want my son to be happy 😓