Struggling so much emotionally with being this overdue. 😩 I was planning a homebirth, I am healthy and no issues for me and baby. But this is by far the hardest thing I have ever experienced in pregnancy is this waiting... this week... this time of being overdue. And watching SO many have their babies, especially people just going into labor naturally in week 39 or 40. I have had so much prodromal labor and just feeling so so so discouraged it never turns into anything more. I feel a sadness and disbelief like never before. Every time I get wrap around contractions and mucus plug I feel that I get so excited and I just want them to get painful I want it to progress so badly. But then I get excited and I do what is recommended and rest take a bath and they subside... 😭😭😭😭 Then frustration and impatience bubbles and my prayers become me begging god to please just put me in labor and let me have this baby.

I would go to the hospital to be induced if I hadn’t already paid for a homebirth. Sadly I so want the homebirth to workout bc I don’t want the hospital bills on top of everything else AND it seemed that my homebirth was a blessing in disguise once the whole covid thing started.

It’s been hard enough to feel in tune with my intuition this entire pregnancy and a big decision of going to the hospital to be induced at 42 weeks is extremely difficult right now verses trying castor oil or waiting a little longer for labor to start. I just want to make the best decisions right now but don’t know how to. I have done everything else in terms of trying to start natural induction.... like seriously everything. And I have shown signs of labor for weeks which makes this all the more confusing.

Yes I get that what is most important is that baby and I are healthy and it doesn’t matter how they arrive, please don’t make those comments. It doesn’t touch on the fact here that the pain is in believing and trusting my body to go into labor and that currently I am experiencing my body not going into labor. I am experiencing broken faith. I am experiencing foggy brain and lack of confidence in my decisions and choices. And I haven’t found anything on the internet that talks about plummeting mental health due to being past the due date.

Okay this is my vent and I share in case anyone else is also in similar boat.

Here’s to hoping for clarity, and hoping for hope to stop hurting.