Today I'm 37+6. Tomorrow I will be 38 weeks exactly. I went into labor FRIDAY! Full blown contractions. Dilated to 3cm. Saturday morning they were less than 2 minutes apart, dilated to 4cm. I begged for them to induce me because it was taking too long to dilate and they were talking about sending me home. They said I'm not at gestational age. So they gave me morphine to help sleep which in 30% of cases can stop labor all together. It did. I no longer had strong contraction and they were spaced too far apart.

I hated it. It felt like I had no control over my body and I couldn't stand the side effects. I was vomiting, itchy everywhere, and couldn't stay focused for the life of me. We went back on Sunday because there was some bleeding and I was still contracting. Still at 4 cm. I got sent home AGAIN.

I can't take anymore labor pain. My back feels like it's on absolute fire. My head hurts so bad I want to cry and they won't do anything. I wish I could have my doula with me to stand up for me and help me. My husband is great but he isn't much of an assertive person. But I can't get sent home again and I'm too afraid to even call my office because of how much I've had to the last few days. I hate labor. I hate women who have easy labors and have their babies within hours (dont really hate just in pain).

I wanna meet my little boy and I want to feel some sort of relief from the crippling back pain and cervix pressure. Like god damn it I'm so tired because I can't sleep. Sorry for the rant I just... I feel like I can't continue and I feel defeated.