I’ve been reluctant to post this because I don’t wanna be judged but it’s eating away at me and idk who else to talk to. I usually tell my husband everything but I’m worried what he will think and that he won’t understand. I’ve been extremely depressed lately. I have depression normally but it’s been extremely bad lately. Almost what it felt like when I got PPD after my miscarriage. I know the quarantine is not helping things either with how I’m feeling. But I just feel so lost and alone 😔 I started out so excited for everything but now the closer it gets the more I am filled with dread and crippling anxiety. I’ve also had an extremely hard pregnancy and I’m a FTM so not sure if this is why I’m feeling extra miserable. Maybe I’m just tired of being pregnant idk. But every time I hear my hubby say “only 13 more weeks” and he’s so happy and excited I feel that I have to fake my excitement. The truth is I’m terrified and scared bc I feel like I don’t know how to be a mom and all of a sudden I feel like I’m not ready to be a mom even though this baby was planned and was prayed for bc she’s my rainbow. And it makes me feel awful. Like a bad person. Like who isn’t excited for their daughter to arrive? What is wrong with me?!! Is this normal? I also started out feeling so bonded to baby and I don’t feel bonded anymore which doesn’t seem normal to me either. Sorry for the long post...but I really need advice. 😔 feels like I’m drowning. To top it off this pandemic has sucked the joy out of all things pregnancy related and I really feel like ive been robbed of my experience as a FTM. 😔