Is it ok to date/talk to your ex professor/teacher?

Question

Obviously we're talking about after graduation. But is it ok? I'm very curious to find out about what you ladies think and would definitely like to read some of y'all's experiences/stories.

Answer

As a high school teacher this grosses me out. As someone in a position of power, even after the fact, it's not appropriate.

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If your teacher has indicated interest that is still wrong.

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One of my best friends married one of our high school teachers. They didn't start talking and hanging out until she was a sophomore in college. But even in high school it was weird how much they had in common, they're both major literature nerds. She didn't take his last name tho (for feminism reasons) and they don't go out in public around home because they worry people will think he was inappropriate with her while she was in school. But after we teased her a bit initially it wasn't weird, he's a great guy and only 6yrs older than her.

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In the high school I graduated from, two teachers got married to former students, and one teacher dated a former student. Also, an assistant principal is dating a former student (soon to be married) I don't see anything wrong with it honestly. If they're 18...and you have real feelings for each other... There is no reason you shouldn't be able to date/marry them.

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I think it's very wrong.
I'm Facebook friends with some of my high school teachers, but they'll always be teachers to me, not buddies.

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Is it okay.. Legally? Morally? Socially?
Yes.
Is it weird?
Very, in my opinion.

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As a teacher, though admittedly 5th grade, I would never considering dating one of my ex students if I were a high school teacher. There's too much speculation that would come out of it that would probably negatively affect my career.

I honestly don't know how I feel about college professors. Mainly because mine were all old men 😜

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It started as passionate nerds solving physics problems after class, getting into upper div. work while I was contemplating changing my major. I'm 25 and returned to my college with a he'll of a lot of academic experience. In my classes it's like I'm a grad student producing thoughtful, proffesional work. My science/math teachers and I always end up speaking on a more colleague level than the prof-pupil dynamic. So, a year ago I ended up in this begiiiiners, intro to physics course.

Well, what can I say. I never figured I'd have the stuff to do physics, and before ever flirting or talking about our lives.. he's blown the he'll away by my aptitude and sits me down to seriously consider my obvious potential as a physicist.

When Chem and bio profs have done the same in the past, I didn't love the material the way I love physics. So, it's strange. I suspect a great deal of my love for the man stems from empowering me without asking for anything in return.

To this day we haven't touched but a handshake or brief passing of whiteboard markers, pens, and whatnot. Yet, we email bi-weekly at nausium... about everything from his final months completing his phD, to my struggles with an elitist and shovanistic professor during his sabattical.

I have said some pretty . . . affectionate and borderline things out of infatuation and excitement, and he always returns with encouragement, but without expectations. I had him again in the Spring and it was inappropriate, how and when we were talking. At 1am before class the next day we'd still be winking and laughing at each other's ideas and interpretations. . . And referencing each other in class for our ideas - in strict moderation.

We knew (know) it's taboo. 
We know we're both infatuated. 
We are 14 years apart and in completely different stages in our careers, yet..... time stops and flies simultaneously when we're together. We blush and laugh nervously. We tease, make fun of, banter, and bolster each other.

I don't know. I can't speak for him beyond the supportive and flirty friendship we cultivate... but I certainly didn't mean to fall on love with the man. I know he's struggled with it too, and we mutually paused all serious 'feeling' talks since Christmas (through his last months of PhD). But now... he's back on campus and I'm technically just an employee, his co-worker. We are in it . . . Bad. Like, it's just a mess (but that best kind of mess where nothing's on fire). As masochists I think this is just what we need at this time in our lives. I don't want to risk sleeping with him only to have to work closely next year and he doesn't advance or offer.. outside of popping in and chatting.

I donno. The major caviot is that we're both slightly terrible humans for bring such cowards. Legally it's OK with the school. Only, he's not tenured and I have been here far too long to ruin my reputation the last year of my studies. I did change my major to physics, even in his absence - I'm a natural. I'm applying to to he best/closest school to my family, who I currently live 6hrs from but would live 3h fromstarting Fall '18... it happens to be his Alma Mater.. and yah, he turned me onto the benefits of getting a globally competitive degree (when my esteem was lacking, before: I would've never dreamt this possibility into existence).

I am afraid if we cross "the line" we'll hurt mine and his careers. I'm afraid the tension and atraction comes from the secret nature of our relationship. I am afraid I'll go on with life, loving him and wishing I'd taken advantage of any of the dozens of closed door nerd- life- happiness conversations we've held in private.

Plus.. I tend to like brown/dark guys younger than me who are less respectful and less considerate... whereas he's a huge advocate for gender equality (like I am), but pasty and prematurely greying in a big way. He's way outside my normal realm of romantic interests... but he's also been the best maleinfluence in my life outside family and childhood friends.

I am in love with him, to say the least. And at the moment, I'm distancing due to how fucking intense the feelings are when we're in sight of another. Other supervisors at my work started noting how close we appear and I feel like we're on a collision course for scandal and concequences.

Damn if he isn't brilliant and sexy and kind, tho... We love how we are both skateboarders, how we obsess over particle physics and quantum mechanics, and socially give more generously to strangers than most people are comfortable with. I am on track to becoming a stellar professor and my old advisors, alonguide his guidance, are wholly and completely in support of my becoming a physics researcher/professor.... just like my guy. We're looking at similar careers with complementary foci. I've haven't gotten along with someone on such a fundamental level since I was seventeen . . . And this beats that firey teenage fling out of the water without question.

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I know couples that met that way. As long as it's not happening in school (and hopefully not high school with an uncomfortably large age gap), I don't see a problem with it.

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I went to Undergrad with a woman who married her HS sub