Subconsciously trying to get pregnant?

Is it possible to subconsciously want to get pregnant. I'm 19 and I don't want kids so early but when I'm with my boyfriend I honestly don't give care what happens and that we can get through anything if anything would occur, but when I'm alone having pregnancy scares, I freak out to the thought of having kids. When my and my bf have scares there's a small part of me that's wants a positive sign but then again A HUGE part of me that doesn't want children. Is this just me? What do I do?