This is a celebratory post but somehow I am in tears and not necessarily the happy kind.

My son turns 1 in 8 days. He hasn’t wanted to nurse since middle of the night 2 nights ago. Since then he has had no interest and even pushes away. I think he has self weaned. I selfishly wanted to make it to one year, but I think the last time happened and I didn’t know it was the last time. We are so close to 1 year but I don’t think we’ll quite make it. I do have exactly enough bags in the freezer for him to continue to have one every day until his birthday.

I am SO proud of us for making it until he naturally weaned. We made it through the incredibly painful early MONTHS, pumping at work and all the struggles that go along with it, and so much more. I am SO proud of my body for doing this successfully after birth didn’t go the way I thought it would (still processing that.)

I’m praying for one more quiet, intimate session that the two of us can share, but if not, I know I have so much to look back on fondly.