I’m seeing a lot of these, and I’ve been wanting to come forward for a long time considering this happened to me i. grade 10..

Anyways, I called this guy i was talking too, (i was grade 10, still 15, and he was either grade 11 or 12 at the time) because i was anxious at a party and didn’t want to be there and he came and got me and we went back to his house

We were just talking kinda like cuddling and it was nice, he kissed me and we started to do stuff (no sex at that point) and I was fine with that, however there was a time where he was on top of me and he was fingering me, but then i felt more pressure down there, and noticed both hands were supporting himself? I freaked out and pushed him off because i’ve talked to him about it before that I didn’t want to have sex, and he didn’t even ask to put it in?

He said sorry and he looked sincere, i was kinda annoyed but he genuinely seemed like he felt bad.. so we just went back to kissing, and doing stuff he then asked again and i felt uneasy because he was bigger than me, and on top of me at that point.. i didn’t really say yes or no but i said in all honesty i feel uneasy with you having your penis out, could you put boxers on or wear a condom, and i understand how that could of been taken the wrong way but he did neither.. and we just went back to kissing because i never expected this..

I just wanted to make it clear that i didn’t want sex one last time, so i said “promise me you won’t do that again” and his response was “i can’t make promises i can’t keep” and he put his penis inside of me, and just went at it, i remember freezing, feeling like i couldn’t breathe.. afterwards i acted fine because i had to get home, but when he left the room i was shaking and not okay, i talked to my friend that night and she said it was rape..

what do you guys think?

*****UPDATE: thank you everyone for your kindness, Just wanted to say, I’m 18 now, i’ve been struggling for years, but each day gets easier! I was also the girl who posted about being involved with an older guy in grade 7.. I haven’t had the best run at things, but I’ll get there!