We’re going onto 3 years of trying. 3 years of heart break and disappointments. 2018 I was pregnant and lost are baby boy at 20 weeks. 2019 I got pregnant again and lost are baby boy at 13 weeks. It feel like I’ve been waiting for an eternity to hold my baby in my arms.

Sometimes it hurt so badly that I feel like the air is getting knocked out of me and I just want to scream but nothing comes out.

Then I hear that I should be grateful that I have three kids, as if I’m not grateful.

Then I hear at least u can get pregnant but I don’t know what’s worse.. getting pregnant and watching my baby grow to only fine out I can’t take my baby home or to not be able to get pregnant at all. For the first time in my life I have a plan. We’re married, bought a house.. planned it all out and it’s not going the way we want it. Maybe it’s karma for all the bad i have done in this world? Maybe I’m not worthy cus I had an abortion as a teen?

As I sit here with another negative test and tears rubbing down my face I dread telling him that once again it’s negative and I’m sorry I haven’t gave him his second baby.

I have three kids. I had two boys at a young age. My youngest is with my husband but he always wanted a big family and I can’t even give him a second baby.

Vent done ✅