hi everyone,

i am so sorry that this post is going to be a mess because i am typing it whilst i am a mess haha, there’s no short way to put it but i will try to explain because i would just love some advice right now that would really help me

basically i have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, all seemed to be going well i was so happy and he seemed it too, at the beginning of march i went on his phone, he always from the start offered that i could go on it whenever he thought i was feeling suspicious but for some stupid reason i trusted him so much and never went on it once, but this night i just has this gut feeling, and i found messages and conversations to an absolute ton of girls talking to them sexually and asking to meet them and complementing them etc, i was absolutely heart broken and thought things couldn’t get any worse from there, a lot happened from there on but long story short he gave me all his passwords and we tried to move on and i tried to start rebuilding my trust, stupid, i know, i have broken up with him so many times because i know i do not deserve this only for me to then be the one begging to be back with him because i miss him and love him and can’t live without him, yet he makes my life such a misery

a week or so later i went onto his snapchat and found videos and photos of him having sex with his ex in january, i got very upset but he somehow managed to make me believe that they were old videos from before we were together and he had just saved them because he got sad one night, i was still upset but i believed this until the next morning i watched one of the videos again and realised that it was definitely whilst me and him were together as there was an item of furniture in the background that he bought a few months into our relationship, he cried to me, i wiped away his tears and told him no more lies, we deleted it all, he blocked her on everything, and yet again we tried to move on, since then everytime i have logged into his social media he hasn’t been speaking to girls but the further i look into his old snapchat’s the more time’s i realise he cheated on me, i’m talking a lot of time’s, and a lot of videos

things have been good for about a month now he practically moved into my house and has stayed with me every night things have been so good and i have felt so happy and in love, and he has been too, i know you will be thinking right now that it doesn’t sound like he is, if only you guys could see how good things are when they are good between us, he sounds like a piece of shit (he is) but i love him a lot and i cannot imagine living my life without him, i have achieved so many good things with his support and i want to support him

i haven’t caught him out doing anything wrong at all for ages now but today he is at home after an argument we had yesterday and i have logged into his snapchat and seen that whilst he was still here he was asking a specific girl if he could take her out after all this virus stuff is over (and now i’ve just seen that this message was before we even argued, we haven’t argued at all for like a month things have seemed so good) he’s never taken me out ever, and i’ve basically just realised that he must just be staying with me until all this virus stuff is over and then he will replace me, i need to leave him, i need to get him out of my life, he still has things at my house and still has deliveries that will arrive here in months time so it can’t just be a case of blocking him on everything and trying to forget about him (plus i’ve tried that a million times) i really don’t know what i’m asking for here, just some advice, i just feel like there’s a lot of things that i need to hear right now, i have no friends, no body apart from him, i love him, so so much, and i cannot see myself living without him and i can’t bare the thought of someone else having him but i can’t bare the thought of getting hurt anymore times, he has broken me.