I have this dude friend. I'm gonna pretend his name is Carl. Anyway me and Carl used to date, it literally lasted 2 weeks and I broke things off because I was VERY uncomfortable and he just wasn't listening to me at all, constantly trying to push me out if my comfort zone, and I was in grade 9, he was in grade 10. Now I'm in grade 10 and he's grade 11, but we became really good friends since then. He confessed to me a couple times early in the friendship he still had feelings for me and all that and it was hard for him, and I said if he needs space or something that's fine, I don't want to lead you on or make you feel bad. But I made it VERY clear I was not interested in dating him anymore. Anyway, I do not trust easy. AT ALL. And eventually I came to trust him and we became super close, and a couple weeks ago he confessed to me AGAIN. And he said I'm leading him on and making him feel bad and everything, and I'm flirting with him and it's all my fault and I literally haven't done crap. He kept me up until 3:30AM yelling at me. But I don't think I did anything wrong? I worried so much I was gonna hurt him and then I started to trust him and that he understood and I was just myself with him and then this happened and it ALL went down the drain. I avoided talking to him for 3 days because I was angry that he made me feel like shit like that after everything, and letting him get close to me, and I just didn't trust him or myself. I don't like making people feel bad, it gives me anxiety, I have panic attacks when I might have disappointed or displeased someone. He knows this, and he still uses it against me. This isn't new either, he constantly makes me feel bad about myself, especially since then. And he's been super controlling. For example, I was experimenting with makeup today and I was actually really proud, I dressed like an "e-girl" and I felt hot. Like for once I felt really good, so I sent a video like, "omg why do I love this so much", letting my guard down AGAIN, trying to trust him because that's what he wants, and this is what happened:

(this is the photo, he screenshoted the video 🙄)

Like I genuinely felt good, even though I know it was a bit more extra than usual for me, (by that I mean I'm very insecure and don't even wear crop tops or low rising jeans very often.) I took some photos of my own that I kinda like,

(I know the makeup isn't very good, I'm still practicing. But I don't hate it honestly. You can also tell how flipping awkward I am 😂.) Anyway am I just crazy? Am I reading into this too much and getting worked up? Like, I don't know and I'm beating myself up over it because I don't want to be that person, I really don't want to hurt anyone but I also don't want to let people get away with treating me bad? I don't know. Anyway thanks for listening to my TedTalk, please comment opinions, I gotta know lol. Thank you! 💓

**UPDATE** Thanks everyone that commented what they thought!! Means a lot! You guys are super sweet 😄 Thank you so much! 💓💓