How can I stop forgiving so easily?

Question

Ever since I was a kid I’ve had this issue of just letting things go. As a child my mom would hit me with things that were really hard, like a metal broom, garbage lid, or she would see my room messy and tear down all my clothes from my closet and make me re fold everything and things that I’ve tried to not think about. But when those things would happen, I’d cry and be upset, but for some reason afterwards maybe not even 15 minutes later I would be trying to tell my mom something or trying to talk like nothing even happened. I even remember her asking me once “are you not mad?” And all those times when I’d try to remember what just happened and why I got yelled at I wouldn’t be able to remember. 
This all happened before I turned 13 and some continued afterwards and after my dad passed away at 14. Now here I am, I’m 21 and I can’t seem to help myself. I’ve been in a relationship for awhile and it’s not good, he’s put his hands on me, said disgusting remarks and called me nasty names yet I can’t seem to stop caring and going back like everything is normal. We argue and somehow every time I find myself missing him or wanting a hug or something. Its at a point where he’s called me stupid for it and that I’m “retarted” and that’s why I act the way I do. Idk what to do and we live together and it’s not like he can just up an move.  I’ve hated my situation for awhile now yet somehow I’m doing nothing to get out. I’m scared to be alone but I’m also scared to stay

Answer

I am in the same boat as you I grew up without my father, he died when I was four, my mother was a narcissist who treated me like shit most of my life. I’ve been her whipping boy: everything was always my fault, nothing I ever did was right which is why you seek acceptance and approval from others. You were someone who just wanted to keep the peace, and that’s understandable, you block out the bad and just want to survive as best as you can and that is a survival technique that you learned how to cope. You grew up being treated like shit, which is why you continue to be in relationships that are toxic and abusive, because that’s all you’ve ever known. I’m 41 years old and I’m realizing so many things now, that started when I was a child and how it affected me. I think you need some counseling for sure, your past definitely affects your future, if you don’t deal with it, you sabotage relationships because of your past.You become their doormat, they take it advantage of you and use you, they abuse you because you don’t want to be alone. You have abandonment issues, so you suck it up and take one for the team, to keep the peace￼￼￼. None of these things are healthy. You deserve better, I can’t stress that enough. Stop allowing loneliness or desperation or not wanting to be alone, be the reason that you settle for less than you deserve. Take some time to heal and work on yourself, I can’t stress that enough. Life is what you make it, if you aren’t happy, you change what you can, and what you can’t change, you learn to love, accept and embrace yourself, flaws and all. My mother was a narcissist, you name it, treated me like crap, nothing I ever did was right. No wonder I sought out nothing but crappy man who cheated on me you used me and abused me, anything to get away from her and anything so I wouldn’t be alone. And the best thing I ever did was learn to forgive myself for my bad decisions and choices that I made. I forgave those that hurt me, raped me, sexually abused me as a child, stalked me, you name it, I’ve been through it. I forgave them to myself, not to their face, not because they deserved it, but because I deserved peace within and they were no longer going￼ to be the reason for my unhappiness or sabotage my happiness. You deserve better. You deserve happiness. You are better off alone than in bad company. Please get away from this man and take some time to heal and work on yourself and seek counseling. Learn to love yourself, date yourself, pamper yourself, it’s OK to be alone. You don’t have to be a people pleaser so that people will like you and will not leave, don’t allow people to mistreat you. You need to grow thicker skin and stop tolerating the bullshit. I send you a hug and I hope things get better.

Answer

Abuse is a strange thing, more often or not victims will feel the need to find ways to make it their fault and feel a need to have their abuser love them it's not you or anything you've done. 
I would seek therapy and if possible cut contact with your mother

Answer

Your mother instilled this in you at a very young age. It’s natural for you to have wanted everything to be okay with her, especially at that age. She instilled in you that people who are the ones that supposedly love you, also hurt you. And it became acceptable to you. But that’s not normal!!! You don’t deserve to live that way!! Have you tried talking with a therapist? And also-dump that POS boyfriend, and block him so he cannot continue to abuse and control you!

How can I stop forgiving so easily?

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