Very Angry! After loss

I have been so angry at my SO since I lost the baby. I lost the baby on October 16th & tonight I blew up at him & told him he was glad I lost the baby (that we'd both been trying for for 19 months) because now he wouldn't be stuck with me for the next 18 years. I really hurt him I think but I've been really hurt too & he's just been saying it's ok & we'll try again. He's showed no sadness though & I just blew! I feel horrible but I feel slight relief too....

Am I a horrible person for saying that or? Any advice?