I know I wasn't TTC for a long time. I know this was my first month trying and I know I should've expected not to get pregnant right away from my first try.

But I'm honestly just so hurt!😭 I can't understand what we did wrong, why it didn't work out. We used OPKs, we tracked CM, we tracked my cycle on Glow, we did everything by the book. We did everything we could, and it wasn't enough.

Yesterday I noticed some pink spotting when I wiped at 8 DPO. I thought maybe that was ovulation spotting. Turns out it was just my period, 6 days early.

I know some women have been trying for years for a baby with no luck and my heart breaks for them, but even as this was my first month, it's still too real and it all ended too sudently.

I didn't even got to test, to hold out hope that maybe, just maybe it was too early and I had to wait longer to get my BFP... or that I might've implanted later... I didn't get to post a test with a shadow of a line hoping that a fresh pair of eyes might see something, might get me hoping that everything was going to be alright, that this was my month. But that didn't happen. I didn't get to hope for my baby, for myself, for a family with my girlfriend. I didn't get to be a mommy this month. But I guess that's okay. Even if now everything feels wrong and out of place.😔

Thanks for reading, I just needed to get this off my chest. If anyone is going through this, doesnmt matter if it's their first month TTC or their 17th, just know that I'm thinking of you, and that I hope you get your BFP soon. Baby dust to you all✨💛