Sigh of relief but mixed emotions

Over a ago I wouldve been disappointed, discouraged, and sad that there weren’t two lines there. Worried about mine and my SO health. Wonder if we’d ever have child and pray to god that he’d bless us with a child. Now a year later, blessed with a 3 month old in relieved to see that empty line. 23 with two kids and no desire to have more. I feel guilty for begging and praying for more just to pray for no more. My so wants another but I don’t. I had a horrible pregnancy the second time. I had severe preeclampsia, mild preeclampsia the first time and my dr recommends me to tie my tubes. But I’m 23... I tell myself that’s to young, your mind could change, I go back and forth weighing out the odds. Ultimately I don’t want to die leaving my girls behind with out their mom. I still can’t kick the guilt of promising my significant other 3 kids tho, and the praying and Unpraying for more children. 😞