I am not in a loving place anymore being that theres been many years of emotional, financial, physical abuse aswell as him getting tinder and paying 50 a month for a whole year not to mention hotels dinners and overnights,

All before 2020 yet I've failed to address him right away and felt like it was to late to bring it up.

I started talking to someone from my past in March 2020 and honestly we were only catching up on all of our family members who we were very close I was young when him and I dated so I never kept in touch, my husband caught me and slapped me so hard he dislocated my jaw for speaking to another man more so an ex' i felt it wasnt wrong because it was friendly no bad things like sex or nudes or dates or anything. He even called him to threaten him but that look he gave me made me fear him more then ever, he is trying to honeymoon me but I've gone back on birth control, I honestly was trying for another baby after I lost my twins but now I feel like I cant even stand him, i have compared both his wrongs to Mine and I get it I see where I messed up but it dosnt compare yet I feel like I rather be a single mom and move back to my family's town since my husband has isolated me completely and wont even allow me to call my mom or family without a appointment (this is how it has been for 4 years) I know I've beaten my self up for ever talking to another man weather it was out of politeness or just a conversation but it this really normal ???? I only have a 2 year old with my husband but she loves him so much it's hard to walk out, but my son from a previous has noticed when I'm sad and from afar always whispers to me "hey mom did he do something to you are you ok" my son is about to be 7 and I need to get out of this for him.

But i know the only way is if my husband walks out first so theres no physical abuse or crazy altercation.

His 2 daughter I've taken in as my own tells him they can help pay rent so that they 3 can be together and that way they can make there own structure hint boys over while dad is working and honestly I never felt careless like I did when I heard them.