I’m writing this post about a night almost a year ago. Which is insane to me that I think about it. Especially in this way. It happened in the beginning of June last year. I had a bad break up and was really heart broken. With no other motives, I texted a friend of my ex saying he was right about him the next morning. I didn’t get a text back soon. And I had to close that night with my ex because we worked together. I was so angry and upset seeing him there. It was really hard for me. For the sake of the story I call him H. H responded to me around 7 and then again later that night. He had worked with us as well but had quit about 6 months before. He was texting me and asking if he could come see me at work. And asked me who I was closing with when I told him who. He told me that they were cool and didn’t want to mess with that. So he asked if we could go and see a movie. And me being impulsive I agreed. Mostly to make myself feel better in the dumbest way. I didn’t get out till almost two. My ex had left 30 min before me. By the time I got out, H asked me if I wanted to come over instead Bc theaters were closed. I said yes knowing full well what it may conclude in. I drove there after we stereotypically watched Netflix and cuddled. We moved it over to the bed and continued cuddling. Fast forward into it and we’re about to. He went down on me I was a bit uneasy the whole time. I had only been with my ex and I couldn’t get him out of my head. My dumb mindset was I’m already in it I can’t go back. Truthfully he couldn’t get hard he had been drinking and couldn’t. We fell asleep after. I was relieved Bc I knew it’d be a huge mistake. More than the one I had already made. I woke up to him basically putting it in. No foreplay like the night before. I wasn’t in it at all and my body showed it. I was in pain and couldn’t take it. I stopped him and embarrassedly left. I felt ashamed. I told him sorry Bc that’s what I felt in that moment. I think about it. I didn’t say yes nor did I continued that same action as the night before. Although it wasn’t like the stories iveheard. Does it make it not valid? Am I thinking too much of it? Was it just expected to continued Bc he didn’t get the opportunity. And now that he can he has it? I’m truly just confused on what to make of it. I feel like I’m clouded by the fucked it decision of it being his friend. That it’s the only thing that is looked at? I truly just want an unbiased opinion of who ever had taken the time to read this far.