I've cried everyday for years

I know I am severely depressed. I know what will happen if I go to the doctor. I will be prescribed Xanax, prozac, buspar or all three. I have had a very hard life. I am 28, I live alone. I work from home. I have no friends. What is sad is that people say I am beautiful. I get hit on every time I leave the house . I still don't have it in me to date or get into a relationship. Although, I desire one, I desire children and I desire a home . I can't even find the motivation to get out of bed in the morning. I work to keep a roof over my head and that's it. I lived in a very violent home as a child, where drugs were used and cops were called incessantly for my father trying to hurt me, my mom and my sisters. After they separated when I was an adult, the family grew apart and nobody talks to each other. I fell in love with a terrible man, who beat me, forced me to get an abortion, cheated and ridiculed me. It's been years and I can't move on from my trauma. I guess the fact that I realize why I am depressed, that means I can move past it. I feel like my future is behind me, like my life slipped through my fingers . I will never commit suicide , it's not in me. But how can you just decide to be happy ?