I'm in the best relationship of my life. Meeting my boyfriend has been like a fairytale. We talk problems out, we don't fight. We have built a relationship on actual trust and honesty, he's my best friend and I'm his best friend.

I have had a lot of bad relationships, I've been lied to and treated horribly and abused.

So maybe that's why, when my boyfriend told me he had a secret on our 3rd date... and I needed to know before we went forward... he was shaking- I thought "oh no, does he have HIV??"

He said: "I'm a herion addict."

I was shocked, but I decided to see where the relationship went. I have never regretted it. He doesn't nod out or do it to get high, he's hooked and does it not to get sick. He snorts it. He has a great job and has his life pretty together. You would never guess.

I just feel bad about it sometimes, that nobody knows, and I worry about his health.

He tells me he does crack to poop because of opiate constipation. It sucks to see him feel trapped by these drugs and his old life. He wants to be clean but he's afraid he can't work when having withdrawal.

I'm not happy about this, I don't think it's good, I'm worried and I do my best to take care of his health when I cook dinner and I gave him a magnesium supplement for constipation.

I love him and appreciate his honesty. Obviously, I am not judgmental about addicts, some people close to me have struggled and even died. I feel like it's better to have love than not, and I am supposed to be here for him.

But, it sucks having nobody to talk to but him about it when it scares me & makes me sad.

I want to be with him my whole life, I get scared he will die. But most of the time, I don't think about it.

He wants to quit and talks about when he will often, he is religious and changed his life a few years back, but he relapsed on this. He thinks it's a sin & feels really bad about himself because of it. It embarrasses him but he lets me know anything I ask, and is open about all of it with me.

What do you think? This is the first time I've said a word about it.

Also I was sad about it tonight & he told me I could post this here.

Edit: yes I am not having children.

Edit2: he is against rehab because he went through it before and prefers to be at home. Luckily, he will be eligible for enough time off work soon and he is planning to quit, and wants it to stick this time. He says next summer, it seems far away, but at least it's something.