Feeling empty

I miss my brothers so much it hurts. I knew eventually we'd all grow up and go our own ways. But I feel like it happened to soon. My brothers are 24,29 and both struggle with addiction. They have been using as long as I can remember. The drugs took them away from me faster then I could blink. They haven't done anything good for me and I still love them, they have stole stuff from me and I still love them. I will never hate them. I know we can't go back in time but some days I wish we could be little so we could all play together just one last time. We all took it for granted. Part of me knows I shouldn't talk to them but I'm not ready to let go. I just want to hug them and to let them know how much I love them. I want to tell them I'm sorry they hurt this much. I want to tell them that using or having a relapse doesn't make them a bad person. I know they are struggling with their demons but I hope and pray they beat this. There are days I'm loosing hope cause I just don't see them ever getting clean but there's a small piece inside that's still holding on to hope. I hope and pray each day they beat their Demons 😔💙💙