Okay, before I get started I know how bad this is going to sound. I hate myself for even having to write it and admit to myself that it’s a problem. Also, I’m sorry it’s a long one - if you manage to stick it out any words of advice might help (even though I know exactly what you’re going to say and you’re right!).

Here the backstory:

So, my husband and I found out we were pregnant in 2018 and we were over the moon! It was everyone’s first grandchild too so that made him seem even more special. Our gorgeous boy was born July 2019.

A couple months after we announced our pregnancy my BIL found out he got his girlfriend of a couple months pregnant (obviously unplanned). He was born September 2019 and I’ll call him C.

There’s a total of 2.5 months between the boys. If it makes a difference C came late and my little man came early.

Here’s my problem and the reason I’m posting:

Especially over the last few months I’ve been comparing my son and his cousin in terms of reaching milestones. I obviously want my son to be the ‘best’ (as I’m sure most, if not all parents do). It’s got to the point where every time I find out C has hit a new milestone I’m looking in my calendar to see how old he is and comparing it to my son’s date of achievement. I know I shouldn’t compare - you’re right - every child is different. But the thing that’s getting to me is that my LO is always achieving milestones comparatively later than C.

C learned to roll both ways at 5.5 months. My son didn’t do this until 6m.

C learned to sit unassisted at 6.5 months whereas my LO didn’t until 7 months.

C has just learned to pull up on everything at 7 months but my baby didn’t until 8.5 months.

I know I must sound so crazy 😩 I know I shouldn’t compare. I know I’m awful for not appreciating my baby’s achievement have happened in their own time, when he’s ready. I absolutely love and adore my son! He’s my whole heart and I would never outwardly make my feelings known. I guess that’s why I’m posting on here, in the hopes that not bottling them up any longer will ease my feelings?

Knowing all of that, I can still only think how somehow we’re ‘behind’. I’m worried that C will learn to walk before my LO too. And I know deep down it doesn’t matter but I guess I can’t get this competitive spirt out of my mind.

If you got this far, thank you 💜

Edited to say:

I think some of you are assuming I’m not celebrating my son’s achievements. The thing is, my little guy is older by 2.5 months so when he hits a milestone it’s first. It’s a big deal - we make it a big deal and I’m such a proud mamma. I’m super proud of him for everything, even if it did happen after others. I guess the doubt or comparison comes after C does the same thing (obviously after my son but only because he’s younger) and I start to analyse when they both hit the milestone. Maybe some of this stems from the fact I’m a FTM and just want him to be perfect (which he is regardless of any of this) and be on track or ahead. I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting him not be be behind. It’s not because I don’t love my son like one commenter suggested. I take all of your points on board except that. I think it was far below the belt to bring that into question. My son, is in fact my entire world and whole heart ❣ And as I also said previously, I have never let these feeling or whatever known so my son isn’t in a position of feeling second best etc. I’ve kept it to myself and just wanted to get it off my chest on here.

Thank you everyone else. I will obviously work on it and try to just relax and let my son do things when he’s ready and not worry that it’s ‘late’.