Should I give an engagement ultimatum?

Question

Trying to keep a long story short.
I love my boyfriend immensely. We have a fantastic, healthy relationship- he's my best friend (we're like Holly and Michael from The Office or Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99). Everyone tells us we are "goals" and I want to spend my life with him. 
We've been together 5 years now, and we've been living together for 1 year. We both are college educated and have good paying, stable jobs. 
...but we still aren't engaged.
We've looked at rings, I know exactly what I want (so does he)... And... Nothing. 
He keeps saying "I'll propose when __" and that time will pass, then he'll push it back- give another excuse why he hasn't asked. 
I know he loves me, I know there's no one else. But I'm ready to start my life with him, and I feel like life is just passing us by while we wait forever to get engaged. 
Do I give him an ultimatum? Do I say, I want to be engaged by whatever random date? 
He's the only person in the world I want to marry, but it's just getting ridiculous at this point.

Accepted Answer

I wouldn't want have to live with wondering if someone married me because they genuinely wanted to, or because they felt rushed/forced/pressured into it. 
So no, don't give him an ultimatum. Communicate with him. Ask him WHY he is hesitant to propose/marry you. Explain you're feelings of feeling ready. Just talk to each other and figuire out what's going on and come up with a resolution

Answer

I’ll probably be the only one to say this, but I don’t consider setting goals for yourself to be an ultimatum. You have discussed engagement, timelines, shared goals, and he has backed out of what he’s said a few times. I think letting him know you are only willing to wait for that goal with him for a set time longer is not an ultimatum. I have never liked the idea that women are just supposed to wait around on a man and never ask when big life events MAY possibly happen to them. It’s weird to me that our lives are supposed to be secret from us or we are pressuring them. It’s your life too. Don’t feel like you’re pressuring him or cornering him into proposing when you’re simply asking what your life is going to look like. He has every right to decline if he isn’t ready and you then have the clarity you need to move forward with waiting for him for who knows how long or starting fresh with someone new who is willing to commit and has the same goals as you.

Answer

No, why would you want to be engaged when you had to force it. I would rather have a serious talk and ask him if he wants the same.

Answer

Well I think it depends on what his “ excuses” are. They could be insecurities or real worries of his. I would break down each one with him. Make a list of the things he thinks need to be done before engagement. That way you have something physical to look at.

Answer

Short response: no. It’s one thing to have goals and another to have ultimatums. Are the reasons why you don’t have a ring valid? He sounds committed—moving in together, looking at rings, having an open discussion.
my oldest brother has been with his now fiancé for almost 10 years, they own a house, have kids, basically married already but he never proposed. And I know they talked about it because she would jokingly put him on the spot. He had this plan to propose and told us about it but that was some time away so we didn’t want to ruin it. She had other plans and proposed to him 😂 he said yes. Then he still carried out his plan and proposed to her anyways because he had already reached out to people but I’m sure he wasn’t expecting to already be engaged lol
Have a chat with him and explain to him why having a ring is important to you. You both sound inlove and committed to eachother. It could be that he wants everything a certain way before he asks so it comes down to communication.

Answer

Why can't you propose to him? If you haven't had a clear commitment talk about what you need from the relationship then you're not ready for marriage. It's not a job interview where you have to sit around waiting for a yes or a no. If after 6 years he's not ready it's because he is not ready. I bet you knew after year 1...and deep down you know why he hasn't proposed

Answer

Have you tried asking him why he isn’t? Sit down and have a deep convo about this.

Answer

Perfect example of: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. 
I think I would just sit down and have a conversation with him. See what he’s thinking. Let him know how you are feeling but I wouldn’t give an ultimatum.

Should I give an engagement ultimatum?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey