My husband and I fell pregnant after the second cycle trying, we were overjoyed. We had no idea it would happen this fast. However, that was swiftly overtaken by anxiety as I took test after test, pleading for the line to get darker, and it did...sort of.

Everyday for a week I researched, posted on boards, and googled every possible outcome. One minute I would convince myself that it would all be okay, and the next I would be crying because of uncertainty.

Well one week later, I woke up to bleeding. Not just a bit of spotting, but full on period, along with clots and cramping. The next few hours I have blocked from my memory. I remember falling on the floor and somehow making it back to my bed where my husband held me, telling me it would be alright. But I could hear his voice crack, which made it even worse.

I realize that I barely fit into this “miscarriage” category. I was pregnant for a week, so how could I consider my loss even close to what others have experienced?

But how do I go on?

How do I try again, when all I will think of is how I will pick myself up if this happens again?

What if I can never keep a pregnancy?

This is not how our story was supposed to go, but here we are.