I’m not sure if I want to stay

I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my boyfriend. But since January I believe, I’ve just been feeling lost. Like I’m not sure if I want to be in the relationship anymore. I love him so much, he’s my best friend, but I just am not sure if I love him romantically anymore. We’re only in high school, almost college, and I know it’s young, but he is very devoted and was severely depressed before we started dating and I know breaking up would shatter him.

I guess I’ll explain more about why Im feeling like I might have lost romantic feelings.

We spend a lot of time talking and playing video games together, and I love that more than anything. But when he starts talking romantically, which I used to love because I am very romantic and affectionate, I just feel awkward and try to change the subject. I have been finding it physically difficult to say I love you back, and hes noticed I haven’t really been saying it back. He’s very affectionate, and although he claims he doesn’t mind I think it’s worrying him a lot. But every time I think about breaking up with him, including as I am writing this now, I just cry and feel heartbroken. I honestly don’t know what I want. I love our relationship as it is now, but when I crave love and affection I’m not usually fantasizing about him.

Leaving him would break him. He often has panic attacks when we argue because he thinks I’m going to leave him. I cant tell if I’m just afraid of hurting him or if I’m afraid of being alone or if I want to stay. I know some of these feelings could be because we haven’t seen each other in a bit because of the lockdown, but I’ve had similar feelings for months. We even almost broke up a couple of times but I always felt so awful and heartbroken that I went back on it. I’m so conflicted.