So, putting it out there, I absolutely love “rape” pornography (I say this because I only watch videos that have well known porn stars in them and interviews etc expressing that it isn’t actually rape, all consensual and just really good acting).

In my day to day life I’m a modern day feminist, I’m very protective of my female friends when we go out, keep an eye on their drinks etc. If I ever saw anyone trying anything with someone who wasn’t or couldn’t consent I would be the first to intervene, I know rape is bad. (Same with any form of domestic abuse, my ex and current boyfriend have been made fully aware that I will not tolerate being shouted at or manhandled in any way... outside the bedroom)

But it’s the only thing I can masturbate to 🤷🏼‍♀️🤔

The reason I mention it is a feel like an awful person because of it. I read all this literature about how modern media perpetrates violence towards women as sexy and acceptable and I feel like I’m doing a bad thing when I watch it.

I didn’t become fully aware of just how ashamed I was until my boyfriend asked about what kind of porn I was into, (I have a policy of not lying to him about anything, mostly because I’m an awful liar) and so I told him that was the one thing I wouldn’t tell him, but now I don’t know what he thinks it is and I don’t know if he thinks I’m a bad person or what.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing? Helpp