Trying not to be selfish

So me and my partner have been trying for a baby about six months. He’s 48 and doesn’t want to keep trying once he’s turned 50, thinks he will be too old. I’m 32 and think I’d stop trying at 35. We’ll discuss the age thing again when he turns 50.

The bit I’m trying not to get annoyed over are the lifestyle changes. I’m overweight (by about 4st) but I’ve lost 5st already, exercising and trying to eat better to make sure my body is physically well, and I’m taking proper vitamins for women trying to conceive. My partner is a HEAVY smoker, about 20 a day. He keeps saying he’ll try cut down but he doesn’t. I try not to push him as I knew he was a heavy smoker when we got together, and he only has that one vice which he pays for. But I’m starting to think he should really be making more of an effort. But really I can probably live with the smoking.

The part I feel I’m being a bitch... My partner has delayed ejaculation due to medication he’s on and a low sex drive. We maybe manage sex twice a week if I’m lucky and he only manages to finish maybe twice a month. Taking his tablets later than normal or missing a dose doesn’t guarantee he’ll finish.

So I just sit and think the sex we have is pointless! I’m tracking my ovulation but we never manage to have sex that counts when I have an LH surge, and to be honest it’s totally putting me off sex which is ridiculous! I love sex, and it’s great with my partner, I always enjoy it, but I’m starting to get a bit down thinking there’ll never be a baby and I’m doing everything I can and it’s totally and utterly pointless!!

I don’t know if I want advice, someone to tell me I’m being a bitch, sympathise, or what. I just have no one to talk to. I don’t want to stress my partner because he needs his medication so there’s not much room for change there. Thinking I just need to stop tracking and trying and just get over it.