Ending a serious relationship?

Question

Obviously we will have a conversation about it, I could never do a text. But how do I start? What do I say? 
We have serious plans about our future, and it might come as a surprise to him, but I have very good reasons and I would like to keep some things out of it. He has been manipulative, abusive both physically and emotionally, controlling and gas drained the life out of me. He has also been extremely nice and caring at times. Obviously, I wouldn't be a bitch and say well you did this, but rather have a heart-to-heart discusion on why it's the best for both of us. How do I gently approach him, and give good points? Please give me advice.

Answer

Honestly I would write out exactly what you want to say, because something like this with an abuser will be hard, and you need to have your words clear for your sake. 
If he starts going off on your or trying to make you feel guilty or afraid, try these techniques to maintain your power, so you don’t end up in the defensive, over explaining yourself, or apologizing (from Susan Forward’s amazing book “Emotional Blackmail”):
-I’m willing to talk about this with you, but I’m not willing to let you criticize/belittle/demean/insult me.
-I’m willing to take responsibility for my role in the problems, but I’m not willing to be told everything that goes/ went wrong is my fault. 
-I’m sure you see it that way.
-You’re entitled to your opinion. 
-(If he asks what you’re going to do about how bad he feels now or how awful you’re being to him):
Nothing. But I am sorry that you’re upset. (Keeps you neutral and distant, and specifically not apologizing for your actions but only for the fact that he is upset)
-That’s interesting. That’s unfortunate. 
 -I’ll be happy to talk to you about that when you’re calmer. 
I have the right:
-To protect my own physical and emotional health 
 -To be treated with respect 
 -To express my own beliefs, feelings, opinions, convictions, values, etc.
-To get angry 
 -To make mistakes 
 -To change my mind 
-To be taken seriously
-To say “no” 
-To disagree

Answer

I know exactly what you’re going through. Although I didn’t have my future plan with him. I had to end things due to him being very abusive emotionally and physically. Since he’s very manipulative he would try to turn it on you. Blaming you. Mine did that. I would honestly do it in public where you know he won’t do anything to you. Trust me it would get bad if you don’t. My ex kept calling me after and texting me. Going over to my house looking for me. Literally stalking me. Let’s just hope he doesn’t do that to you. I’m just sharing what I went through with him. Honestly I didn’t give him good points at all when I ended things. I made him feel like crap. He has put through a lot. Yes he had his moments where he was nice but that’s the cycle of abusive tbh. I would just tell him how it is but in public. You can do the nice approach just say you’re not ready to be serious that you lost yourself and you’re trying to work on yourself.

Ending a serious relationship?

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