Grieving Miscarriage

Can someone please give me advice on how to cope with a miscarriage. Right now I’m feeling so down and depressed and I just want to feel like my normal self again. I’ve always heard stories about women miscarrying but never thought in a million years I’d experience one myself. Yes, I was very early in my pregnancy but I still hurt thinking about it. I feel like I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering what he or she would of been like. I’m so distant from everyone in my life right now, not answering calls, not wanting company or etc, I just want to be left alone and isolated. I’m trying so hard to be strong and I know it will get better in time but right now because it’s so fresh I feel every emotion. I just want to drink my life away in hopes it’ll numb the pain. For so long I wanted a baby girl and I think about what if that was her? It’s really a traumatizing experience for me and I feel like I don’t ever want to try again, which I told my bf but he isn’t trying to hear it 🙄. I wish I could really know how he truly feels inside. He hasn’t really displayed any kind of emotion towards the whole thing, sometimes I wonder if he really cares. Right now I feel so alone and wish he could be there for me more mentally. It’s definitely a struggle and I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. 😢 Plus the bleeding. It’s been two weeks 😞 I just want it to stop already, although it has gotten lighter unlike the heavy flow with big clots, I feel like once the bleeding stops I’ll start to feel a lot better and won’t constantly be reminded of it. I took a hpt today and my line is definitely fading.. it’s no longer dark which gives me the indication that my hcg levels are going back to normal and the bleeding is coming to an end. 🤞🏽