Depressed when things are going well?

My husband and I got back together in March after being separated for a year. We separated because one night he got drunk and cheated on me, constantly did things (only at the end of the relationship) that were disrespectful and didn’t want to work it out at the time because it was just too much. We are back together, in the beginning took weeks and countless hours on the phone talking about our issues and working through everything. I’ve always been a very forgiving person, and I can honestly say I trust him. I went to visit him (I moved out of state) for a week and we were soooooo happy. I honestly haven’t been that happy in a very long time. He’s treating me amazing, as a matter of fact it’s even better than it was before any of this happened. He expresses his feelings, when he’s never been vocal about them, he’s very affectionate when he usually isn’t. He’s truly loving me the way I need to be loved. Now I’m back home (for now, until we’re living together again) and I’m really depressed. I want this relationship to work, and it’s working but...idk. I just keep thinking back to everything he’s put me through. I forgive him but I’m still very hurt. He treats me so well and all I could think about is the times he didn’t—despite never arguing or having any major relationship issues for our whole relationship 4years leading up to that. I don’t want to start over with someone new, I don’t want to end this marriage, but honestly...I don’t even know if I want to live anymore.