hey guys .. so i need some HUGE advice please .. about this guy .. well he’s been my friend for those two years, but i’ve always had a crush on him .. i’ve never had the nerve to tell him that i’ve had a crush on him cause i’ve never felt good enough 😕 so of course i never said anything .. but back in march i said something to him about it and he told me that he’s always liked me too but he never said anything cause i was always dating other guys .. he also told me that when he was in my hometown playing for the

summer league team two years ago, he was talking to this girl that lives 30 minutes from his hometown (she’s a year older than me and a year younger than him) and she soon became his girlfriend and they dated for 6-7 months .. she was a huge part of his life and he thought he loved her but he didn’t .. but he broke up with her because she was too obsessive over him (like she barley has any friends and revolved everything around him; example: he’d come back from baseball practice around 6:45-7 and he’d have piles of homework to do, and she’d want to come see him but he said no and she would beg him which would annoy him) .. he was honest with me and told me that he tried to have sex with her back in february but she said no .... anyway, after he and i told each other that we’ve always liked each other, we of course started talking and opening up to each other, and facetiming each other all the time! i asked him to be my date to my best friend’s wedding in december and he of course said yes haha and then i invited him to her engagement party ..

one time, he sent me a text message back in march saying this:

“So I’m gonna be honest. Sometimes when I’m at home for long periods of time I get in these weird ass moods. It’s happened since like my junior year of high school, and it got worse once I moved out. When I was in college and would come home for thanksgiving or Christmas break I would end getting in these moods. It’s why this off-season I tried not to be at home for more than a week, and always tried to find somewhere to go and somebody to stay with on the weekends to like reset. I think it’s because when I’m at home I’m generally just here alone and don’t really have anybody to hang with or anything. It’s not even really that I get lonely or anything and need somebody to talk to, it’s just I start getting really deep into thinking and I start overthinking everything. This quarantine shit has made it worse, because now I really don’t have anything to look forward to. I’ve got no motivation to workout or go do anything. Going to throw a bullpen on Sundays is pretty much the only thing i get excited about right now. So if I’m being weird it’s because of that. It’s not anything to do with you, it’s just weird shit I do”

so he didn’t talk to me for a couple days cause of his funk and i sent him this:

“hey, i know you sent me that text about you really not like being home, and i overthink things too tbh .. i’m really trying not to blow up your phone haha that’s the last thing i want to do is bug you ..

i just want to know that you seem like a great guy that i know could make me happy :) i never said anything to you before because i didn’t think i could be good enough for a guy like you, but i know i’m good enough for a guy like you .. i told you a while ago that you check off almost every box on my checklist for a guy (since my standards changed back in january 😉) .. i’ve shared you with a piece of me that only 3 other people know because my gut is telling me to trust you .. i’m also scared to let my guard down cause i’m afraid to get hurt again .. i do like you and i hope that you want to take a chance on you cause i’m willing to take a chance with you

i’m sorry that things are a little rough for you right now 🥺 i am the first to tell you that i know everything and anything about rough times cause i’ve been through hell and back with things that have happened in my life .. i’m here for you, and i don’t know how to go about this cause i don’t want to bother you at all but i am here for you .. “

and then he responded with:

“you’re so sweet, and I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while. I just have no desire to talk to anybody right now. I really do appreciate you trying to get me out of my funk, but like I said I just have no desire to try and talk to anyone. It’s like I don’t have any social energy”

so then after that week things got back on track and he got out of his funk! we talked twice a week on facetime until 5 am and he knows about my past and everything .. so then fast forward to him coming to visit me .. there was no awkwardness AT ALL!! my family LOVES him, and he fit so well with my family which warmed my heart 🥰 my dad even gave him a nickname (which means that he likes you if he gives you a nickname) .. but every night, id go up to his room that he was staying in so we could have alone time and it was all good vibes and nothing negative! i slept with him after night three, but it was in the moment and everything flowed so well! he told me that i gave him butterflies (and he said that it was more sensual than anything else) .. it was slow and sweet .. and every time i’d go to leave his room for the night, he’d grab me and beg me to stay which made me happy .. sparks literally flew between us! and when i brought him up to the engagement party, everyone ADORED him! they all approved and asked for him to come back .. but one night while we were up where the engagement party was, when he and i were heading back to our hotel room, he and i had a conversation which led him to saying “i don’t want to be in a relationship right now” and of course i cried and was telling him how much my family loved him and i liked him ... and then he cried saying “you’re so special to me and i don’t want to hurt you cause i know you’ve been hurt .. and i don’t want to hurt your family either cause i love them” and said “i don’t know if us having sex was the best idea cause i know that emotions come into play with that” and of course i asked him if it was a mistake and he said “no! it was one of the best experiences of my life, and it was special cause it was with you” and it hurt my heart to see him cry, but we talked it out and he said that he wanted the rest of the weekend to be fun and we’d finish the conversation when we got back to my hometown in two days .. so he gave me a hug and kissed on the lips and we went up to bed and he held me all night

when we got back to my house, we still snuggled and talked at night in his room, but the night before he left we had the conversation again and it hurt my heart ..

speed up to the next day when he’s leaving (he was suppose to leave at noon but left at 3:30 so we could talk things out) .. we both cried and snuggled .. and he said that he cares about me so much and that he hopes that he could love me one day and that he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone else and that he doesn’t want to lose me altogether and that “we see things differently and that we react to things differently and he’s afraid that would cause fights” and he eventually went to leave and kissed me on the lips before he left

so i texted him when he was otw home and said:

“hey, i hope you driving safely .. thank you for coming up and spending time with me, miss you already lol .. i’m sorry we can’t be together rn cause i do really like you .. you have such a special place in my heart, and i do have feelings for you .. if you change your mind about how you feel, i’m here .. when you’re ready for something with me, i’ll be here :) .. lmk when you get home”

and he said:

“I made it home. And thank you. You’re such a sweet girl. And you’ve been so understanding. You’ll always have a place in my heart too”

and then he sent me this the next day:

“You may have heard this before but I heard it for the first time on the way home yesterday. I thought you might like it” and sent me a song that was so cute

now he’s been gone for two weeks now, and we’ve talked every day since .. he’s slid across all my insta stories (saying that im pretty), said my bellybutton piercing looks good, and stuff like that .. i even asked him “would you kiss me for $100 or kiss the hottest girl in the world for $700” and he said “i’d kiss you for nothing”

but then three days ago, we were having a normal conversation and then i said to him “can i ask you some random/silly questions?” and he said “yeah what are those?” and i said “1. what are 5 things you like about my personality/me?” and he left me on read .. and i text him the next day on regular text messages and said “hey. hope you had a good day today.....” and he read it later that night and didn’t respond .. and i messaged him last night on snapchat saying “ hey, did i do something wrong?”

he didn’t opened it .. didn’t talked to me in three days .. he’s been on his phone looking at all my social media stories .. and on his phone .. but then like three days later he said:

“Hey, I’m sorry I haven’t been talking to you lately. I’ve just gotten into one of those weird moods again. It’s not about anything you said or did. I just haven’t felt like talking to anybody. I should’ve told you earlier, and I’ve been meaning to, but like I said I just haven’t wanted any contact with anybody. I hung out with some of my friends today, so maybe I’ll get back to normal in the next few days”

and we talked the next day but now he’s not talking to me again .. and it’s been a day BTW

what the fuck is going on?? did i do something?? is he ever going to talk to me again?? i’m hurt and confused 🥺 i don’t want to lose him cause he’s been consistently in my life for two years now

He can’t cum

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