So last night I went through my fiancé’s Facebook on our iPad since he started getting sneaky when I was around and found out he’s been searching multiple women and one particular which was his ex’s sister who he admitted he wanted to be with when we talked about past relationships awhile back. Well all of his searches were from last week and who knows how long after and he’s been sending all these women friend requests and saving explicit photos on a private file. Mind you, he’s done this before in the past while texting a cougar coworker, explained that it was just to get her through her divorce to make her feel better but after the conversations I’ve read and the fact he got defensive over someone our parents age and lied about the messages and deleted them I feel as tho there was a bunch of shit going on via person.

I confronted him about how I hate it the first few times. I don’t mind if he watches porn but why save these kind of things on your social media? Especially when you lie and say you’re not into foreplay or bdsm get up? These photos make me believe it’s what he wants and I’m not those photos. And I’m definitely not the trash he’s searching.

I’ve done so much for him recently when his car was wrecked and he needed help with his bills and shit. I’m the one who’s been there for him through everything for the past 5 years and all I ask is that he doesn’t do that shit. I’ve been gaining weight from my metabolism slowing down suddenly and in the last four months I’ve gained fifty pounds and I feel so worthless and ugly knowing he’s looking at these women.

We’re about to be living in a house together and now I’m doubting my trust all over again and can’t help but wonder if he’ll bring somebody over or go over to someone’s without me knowing or when I’m at work.

I honestly don’t know what to do rn.