idk man
im honestly losing the want to live. i just haven't killed my self because of my mom and brother and my pets wouldn't get why im not home. and im scared eventually ill stop feeling guilty and just give in. im not asking for help or pity, i just wanted to tell someone, since i have no one else. i just feel dull. like a knife that's been constantly used, it dulls. it becomes useless. it does damage instead of doing it's job. it makes a mess. i am a dull knife. i guess im just tired of holding everything in and always being there for people who aren't here for me. ive told so many people i want to kill myself and everyone is just like mood or same lmao like no.. i will actually kill myself. it's not a joke, im not attention seeking, im not being a teenager. im hurting and im tired of it. it's not a phase ik exactly what id do, what id do if that plan didn't work, where i would go for different ways. i have written suicide note after suicide note. im serious ab wanting to die. i want to hold on for some people and i want to see what the future holds, but i don't want to wait to get there. i would rot in hell for eternity rather than be trapped in my mind. ive cried to god and the devil. cursed the both of them out. lost faith and found it again just to drop it and not care. i might not kill myself today, but i will eventually. it'll become easier to say goodbye one day, but today isn't the day. but one day, sooner or later, someone's going to find my body, and someone's going to read my words, and people will know just how broken i truly am. and ill be at peace by then, far from their grief and hatred and anger and regret. i won't see their pain and they should be glad knowing i won't be in any pain anymore. this is a suicide note to the world, my explanation. thank you for reading if you did. sorry if this was unease to read. sorry if it brought up memories of your own. if you're going through something similar, please don't lose the fight. continue on. ik what i feel, but i don't want you to feel this way. tell the people you love how much they matter, if someone gave you a reason to live, thank them. tell them how they've changed you. it will mean more than you'll know. tell them before you don't get a chance to. tell them, because you don't know if they're writing a suicide note rn, and that just might remind them someone somewhere sees them, and cares, and is there. because feeling seen is the best thing ever. ive never felt seen, but i hope you do, and i pray you make someone else feel seen too.
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.