Ttc heartbreak

My fiance and i have been ttc for awhile now. My first pregnancy ( not with him) ended in miscarriage, and my son was born a month early due to preeclampsia. Because of this, when it does happen, i want to know as soon as posdible. The 2 week wait is the absolute worst. I see alnost everything as "could this be a sign?" I have not missed my period yet this month. It is due tomorrow. However, yesterday, my boobs were very tender and heavy feeling. While i know this is a pms symptom for many women, it never has been for me. The one time it has ever been a symptom, it was the first sign that i was carrying my son. Because of this, when i got home last night, i took a pregnancy test. It came up " not pregnant". I ugly cried. I have always wanted multiple children. When my son was born however, my exhusband said "no more". It felt like a door was slammed in my face. Then i started dating my fiance, who does want kids. He is such a good stepdad, and i want so bad to give him a biological child. I want to tell myself that i just tested too soon, that i should have waited til first morning urine, etc, etc, but i feel like im jist deluding myself, amd that its not going to happen for us