emotionally mature advice needed :(

hey ladies so ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months. im 19 & he is 22. we have kissed & had oral sex but haven’t had penetrative sex yet.

we are currently long distance & met up 3 days ago. spend Thursday till saturday together. on Sunday i woke up with cold sores on my lip for the first time.

im sure it’s oral herpes, ive talked to him & he said he’s been getting cold sores since his childhood. he had a slight burn on the roof of his mouth which is how I must have contracted it because i never did in the past months.

im scared i might get genital herpes because he ate me out during those three days.

im also scared that he never told me he had oral herpes. im aware it’s very common (70%) but it hurts that i had to show symptoms for him to speak up, we briefly spoke about STDs in the beginning & he said he was clear & had a test to prove it.

ive tried my best to be careful but im so torn right now. i can’t talk to him because im only making him feel worse. i can’t talk to my family as they are orthodox christians & would crucify me. i don’t have any friends.

he was also my first kiss. i feel ruined, dirty, unlovable & ashamed. if anyone can help me, please do :(

thanks if you’ve read this far.