Unhappy Newlywed

Allison • 25 years old, 2 miscarriages in ‘15 & ‘16. Married 💍. 💙 KJS 6/30/18 💙 Due 4/28/22 with baby #2

My husband and i have been married for 9 months. We have a 2 year old son together.

Our marriage hasn’t felt exciting and great and honeymoon-y. I keep wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. I keep noticing all of the things that are making me unhappy, and they just keep adding up— but I don’t know how to communicate them without starting a fight.

I don’t want to be a divorced 24 year old. I don’t want to hurt my husband. I also don’t want to live this way forever. I started to notice some of these issues before we ever got married, but I thought I was being too critical and was just expecting him to be perfect.

He doesn’t treat me the same as he used to. He used to practically worship the ground I walked on, but he never tells me I look nice anymore. Never says sweet things to me. Doesn’t make me feel appreciated or loved.

I do 99% of the childcare (and the house work). I usually have to ask him to change a diaper. He never got up with us in the night one single time. I breastfed, but he never got up to help change a diaper or get the baby back to sleep so I could get some much needed rest. I cook, I clean, I pick up after him, I make sure the bills are paid on time.

He is easily irritated. This is something that has always bothered me. He’ll cuss and get pissed over the smallest things. His phone froze for two seconds, he dropped something on the floor, he can’t get a package open...if he notices that I’m annoyed by his behavior he’ll give me a snappy little “what?”

I want to scream that I’m not as happy as I was when we were in the early years. That I don’t want to have sex with him because I’m tired from doing all of the housework and child care and I don’t feel loved or appreciated anymore.

I do still love him and the last thing I want to do is hurt him or make him feel bad about himself, but this is not the happy marriage I imagined.