I need some help. Or advice. Or something. I’m 20 years old so I’m not all that experienced with adult relationships, I’ve only really had one long term, committed relationship. I’ve been with my current SO for about 6 or 7 months now, and while I was sure I’d felt deep romantic love before, that feeling has since gone away. Overall, I like being in this relationship. It’s fun, and we do make good friends. I still like being intimate in ways that aren’t sex, like cuddling and holding hands, and the sex is good too. However, we are pretty different. I am marriage orientated, spiritual, and have a strong grip on my morality and who I am. My partner, however, prefers marriage as a far-off future plan, isn’t all that spiritual and does have some substance abuse issues in regards to alcohol. If I were more comfortable with it, I would very confidently say my partner would be doing coke. I am not and it hasn’t happened during our relationship, thankfully. While we have a pretty happy relationship my SO does definitely struggle with insecurities, which is expressed by asking if my female-attracted friends are in relationships while I’m out with them, being convinced that my ex who came back into my life as a friend is trying to pursue me, and when we get into arguments I do often hear, “You’d be happier with someone else.” Which is frustrating when I’m trying to resolve issues. We’ve also struggled with my emotional needs being met, and my partner can occasionally push on my boundaries in terms of drinking (My mom was an alcoholic and my childhood was very traumatic because of this, which my partner knew at the time of pushing on my boundaries. Has since apologized.) More recently, my partner was pushing on my sexual boundary when I wasn’t interested. I got a little hostile and she backed down, but it was very annoying to deal with “Awh, come on.” And “But I want to.” By hostile, I mean I told her I didn’t give a f*ck what she wanted because I wasn’t into it, and I strongly prefer not to yell or curse in my relationships.

I don’t know what to do, if trying to make it work would be worth it or if I should just let it go. It’s not that I don’t like my relationship, it needs some work but I’m not miserable, I just don’t think I could really experience that ground-breaking, soul-lifting love that I have before. I’ve certainly kept my feet planted firmly on the ground in terms of falling in love.