Okay, jumping right in. (LONG POST ALERT)

I have an 11 year old son who has lived with his father since he was 3. I fell on really hard times financially in 2013 and had to beg his dad to take him because my family was no help. Even after my son left I would spend a week, every other week, with nothing to eat and barely able to put gas in the car it was HARD. It was even harder to make the decision to allow my son to go with his father states away. We agreed that after I got back on my feet he would give him back and he didn't (that's an entire other story but we spent 3.5 years in court. I finally said, he's happy and healthy with his dad. I'll get to see him from time to time. This is the bed I made, I'll just have to deal with it)...

Fast forward, his 11th birthday was June 2nd. My mother calls me and starts bitching about not having direct contact with him and that she's tired of going through me to see how he's doing. Here's the thing.... She has hardly asked about my son, in the 7 years he's been with his dad. When she did have contact with his dad (this was immediately following him going with his father so maybe 2 or 3 months afterwards), she would talk down to me and belittle me. She would say things like "XYZ is with his real family. Not here with you!"... She'd share social media posts of family photos but would never acknowledge mine with my son. Prior to my son leaving, she acted like she hated him. To this day, my sister and I still remember how she use to act towards my son and me. I'm 30 years old now ( 19 when I gave birth) and to this day we've yet to discuss her toxic behavior in the past and that is now creeping back up. Also, when she was in contact with his dad, she'd have completely inappropriate conversations with him. Texting and calling whenever she wanted. I only know because he told me. He use to send me screenshots of the conversations (I never asked him to) and he'd ask "wtf is up with your mom?!".... I finally put my foot down and asked him to delete her on social media and to stop communicating with her. This is something we were both comfortable with and wanted to do. When she caught wind of it, she called and me way was I so insecure to stop their communicating? Like mom SERIOUSLY!!

To add, my little brother (18 months apart) was in and out of jail as a juvenile and even now as an adult. My mother has always felt like she didn't raise him. When my son was born my mother acted like my son was her child!! Until my family called her on it and she apologized to me saying "I have to remind myself that your son is not my opportunity to start over or fix anything." I was SHOCKED!!!!!!!

Over the years she has calmed down A LOT!! We get along much better now but I've noticed more and more (as the years pass) she makes everything about her. For example, on my birthday in April, she called and says "I was just telling a friend of mine "I can't believe I bought a house, have a new car, a great career, and a 30 year old daughter." 😑. Again, seriously mom?!

She oversteps (or at least tries to) with my other 2 children ages 3 & 6. I have to ignore her or tell her that I make the final decisions.

Has anyone ever dealt with parents like this or who just feel entitled?

I hope I don't sound like I completely hate my mother, I don't. It's just certain things that she does where it pertains to my children.

For example, she's dating this guy (not exclusively yet) but she'll say "I have to make sure he is a great fit for my babies (meaning my 2 small children). He has to be a family man and treat my babies like his." When she says that I always think of my siblings and I. I let her know that we're grown. She can date whoever she wants but she made it clear she was referring to my children. I get where she's coming from but I let her know, they aren't with you all of the time. We live 3 hours away and haven't visited in MONTHS..I can't tell if she's saying that to be genuine or has this idea that my kids are actually hers.

My head is spinning and my post may be all over the place. Sorry if so.

Lastly, this is just recalling the small things.

Thanks for reading and offering any advice.

Edit#1: I am definitely a woman who loves for my children to be celebrated in general. My childhood was okay. My mother didn't really start these behaviors until I was in my late teens. I honestly do not have any personal issues, I would be honest if I did. That's just who I am. There are things that happened that I have already forgiven my mother for. In the end, her behavior isn't really changing. Her attitude is more subtle about it though. Because of her toxic behavior before, it is really hard to determine if she's being genuine. Not sure if my son will need to forgive me for anything as I didn't put him in a bad situation but then again I don't know (nor does anyone else) what he will think or what questions he will have. I'm prepared for his questions and concerns. Lastly, my aunt has told me that she's had to tell my mother that wherever she felt like she went wrong in raising her children, she has no right to overstep and assert herself in my shoes about my children. I agree with that. I think for the most part we turned out okay and doing well. Idk what goes through her mind as to why she feels the need to overstep. I see this being more about her personal issues that she doesn't want to address rather than my issues or unhealed wounds.

rue 21 sizing.