How can I get through birth without it?

Last year I had my baby and I did get the epidural but I hated it. I got it because it was my first time giving birth and I had terrible anxiety that it was the only thing I could think to calm me down. It made the birth so hard though because I couldn’t move my legs and I ended up feeling the pain anyway and was screaming so much it was embarrassing

I don’t want to get the epidural again this time but I would love some advice on how to calm your nerves, how to breathe, how to relax, and how to not scream lol

I want it to be more calm this time and I want to be able to focus on my body and experience it for what it is