Hi all, this is going to be a long vent, so buckle up.

My husband and I have been together for 4 years now. Our daughter just turned 6 months old. Shes the second grandbaby for his parents, and well, it honestly shows. His brother and wife had their little girl in February of 19.

When they announced they were expecting, his mom completely changed jobs to work only 3 days max a week, though often times she only works 1, so she could babysit for them. She's had their little girl almost every day since 6 weeks old.

Obviously she's a little partial to their girl. She's essentially raised her and it was their first grandchild. I didnt pay it any attention until after our little girl was born.

The entire time I was pregnant, his mom BEGGED us to let her babysit. And we never really discussed it with her, because there were no plans for me to go back to work. They dont like the idea of me being a stay at home mom because we struggle a lot with money. But we were willing to budget and stretch thin for a while. I was unable to work my entire pregnancy due to cardiac issues, and so that really put us in a bind. No big deal, we made it by. Baby girl was born in December and all was well, until it wasnt.

My husband has Lupus and needed a job that was easier on him. This required me to go back to work, so we reached out to his mom when my baby was 10 weeks old and she was extremely reluctant. Suddenly she wasnt keen on watching both grandbabies, and stated that her elderly mother (the great grandmother to our baby) would have to come help her if she did watch them both. This rubbed the wrong way, but I opted to give my parents a shot at babysitting. My parents are great except they're heavy smokers and smoke indoors.

I went to work and lasted 2.5 weeks before both my husband and I couldnt stand to have our baby girl smell like an ash tray and also stay sick due to secondhand. So, we went back to struggling. I was happy to be home with my little girl though. But ultimately this is the time period where I noticed issues.

I only asked his mother for brief help 2 times. Once was just for 30 minutes while I went to get a haircut, and the second was a day that we had to go to the DMV and courthouses, all sorts of stuff that was difficult to do with a young baby. The haircut was even hard to get her to agree to. Now she was on board with watching her while we went to do our stuff for the DMV, but my sister in law took a huge issue with this.

You see, a couple days prior, my baby had a skin rash due to a sensitivity to Johnsons baby soap. It was also mixed with a heat rash. My sister in law saw this and knew that our daughters would be at grandmother's house the same day. That morning at 6 am she called multiple people in the family having a fit because she was convinced my baby was sick and didnt want them at the same house. I told her right then that i would never send a sick baby around her child. I chose to keep my baby that day, which was extremely difficult. It severely upset my husbands mom because she wanted to see both grandbabies that day. I just knew that if her daughter popped up with a rash, we'd be the ones responsible in her eyes. Sure enough, 3 days later, their daughter had an AWFUL rash. It was an allergic reaction, but they didnt confirm that until days later. That was a huge drama that was thankfully avoided.

ANYWAY, the kicker is this. My mother in law keeps their daughter from 5:30 am to 7 pm while both parents work. The kicker though? Brother in law doesnt go to work until 9-10 am, and sister in law gets off at 3 pm. Mother and father in law both really push to have their daughter all day. They have someone to essentially raise their daughter. This causes issues because they only see our daughter if we take her out there.

They always ask to take their daughter to do stuff, and ask to have her overnight and all this extra stuff. But not once have they reached out to see our daughter or been to visit. This has lead me to want to stop going out there altogether.

Anyway, they keep pushing for me to go back go work, and they try to get us to find an apartment closer(we're just a 25 minute drive away) so that his mom can "be our childcare" as she says. This infuriates me because if she wanted to watch her, they would. But now sister and brother in law are talking about baby number 2, which will automatically go over to his moms to be babysat. How would that even work? Our baby is apparently too much but she wont have a choice but to watch their second baby.

It's so frustrating. They get priority when it comes to child care, yet we get talked down to because I cant/wont go back to work. Obviously I know she has no obligation to watch our child, and at this point I wouldnt want them to. But they're basically raising their other grandchild and its interfering with their relationship with our daughter.

It hurts more than anything. Anyway, has anyone dealt with this? My husband and I want to talk to them about it, but it's hard to figure out wording without pissing them off/coming off wrong.

Sorry for how long this is. This isnt even half of it. But it's the more important stuff.

EDIT to add that they dont get paid by brother and sister in law. We've offered to pay. Also sister in law hates mother in law, talks about her like shes a devil (she isnt) but saves face because she doesnt have to be around her kid. Brother in law even mentions how she doesnt want anything to do with the kid most of the time.