Fear of marriage

Maryjayne • 25. Mom. Wife.

Idk what’s wrong with me. I’ve wanted my fiancé to propose for years because HE is my soulmate, I have no question about it. He’s so sweet, thoughtful, loving, tall & handsome.

I had to be admitted to. Psychiatric hospital about 2 weeks later because anxiety of horrible things from my past that started coming up.

My fiancé was completely there for me in the hospital AND at home when I came back.

We started planning the wedding & were finally excited. All the sudden my anxiety is back (it usually comes as intrusive thoughts) & it’s saying things like “you don’t love him enough” or “you’re not attracted to him as much as you should be” & shit like that.

Which I know isn’t true at all. When I’m in a good place, I know how happy he makes me and how perfect we are together.

But I’m just getting so nervous again. Like what if we get married & he realizes I’m not the perfect t person for him like my ex husband did? Or he stops being attracted to me & stuff like that?

I’ve talked to him about my fears & he’s always really good talking me out of bad feelings & reminding myself that the memories can’t hurt me anymore.

I think im just so used to being in bad relationships that now I’m scared & don’t know how to handle something so good and healthy. As stupid as that sounds., I have a history of self-sabotage & I know that’s what I’m doing now. I just don’t know how to make it stop