Sorry for the long post but I need an outlet to tell my story.

I made the decision to get off birth control about 9 months ago. Since my ectopic pregnancy several years ago I have had a sort of PTSD about ever trying to get pregnant because the experience was so traumatic for me. I finally felt comfortable starting the journey, knowing that I’m getting older and it was now or never. I always wanted kids, but have been scared to try for so many years . I lost one Fallopian tube due to the ectopic but had previously been told my surviving one was good to go. Outside of endometriosis my OBGYN was confident my chances were only slightly deceased and encouraged me to try.

Fast forward to this past week. I woke up the day of a positive ovulation test with some cramping. I actually was excited as I heard that was a good sign for conceiving. I thought this would be the month, finally. I texted all my friends who knew I was TTC with so much excitement. Two days later the cramps were so bad that I landed in the ER. The pain was so similar to the pain I experienced when I had my ectopic, i knew immediately something wasn’t right. My husband tried to assure me I was probably just having bad menstrual cramps, but I know my body and I knew my period wasn’t due for at least two weeks. The ER doc sent me home with weak pain relievers and I spent the next 24 hours in pure agony. At midnight the next day my husband took me back to the ER. He wasn’t allowed in with me due to Covid restrictions. There I sat, bawling, hunched over in a cold chair by myself, waiting for 6 hours before I was seen.

Once I was called back to my Exam room the male nurse did not say one word to me. As I sat there crying he took my blood pressure and temperature, squirted me with hand sanitizer and walked away. Not one word. He enters the room about 15 minutes later and started filling in my chart, asking me all the same questions I had already filled out 24 hours earlier. Finally he asked me on a scale from 1-10 what my pain level was, I replied through tears “10”. He looked at me confused. Then he said “well I guess you’re probably here for pain medication then.” I couldn’t believe this person in charge of my care was accusing me of being a pill seeker. He left the room and the on-call doctor came in shortly after. He looked at me with the most annoyed look and said “we are going to get you hooked up to some medication for the pain. We will do ANOTHER ultra sound just in case something new pops up.” I spent the next two hours answering condescending questions and getting imaging and lab work. He came back later to inform me it was “just a cyst on my ovary but certainly nothing that should be causing me so much pain”.

He was pushing me to be discharged but I begged him to keep me for observation because I already knew the pain meds they were sending me home with simply didn’t work, I could not handle another night in the pain I was experiencing. He rolled his eyes and asked me for my OBGYNs name and left the room.

Not long after, he said that my OBGYN insisted I be admitted immediately for emergency surgery. My regular gynecologist just so happened to be doing surgery’s that day and offered to fit me in. I have never felt so thankful in my life. This doctor is the same one who saved me from dying from my ectopic 13 years ago. He has always looked out for me and once again he was saving my life Once I was admitted to the hospital I could breath a sigh of relief. I knew I was finally in good hands. At this point I had not seen my husband in almost 24 hours. When I was finally able to get in contact with him, it was to tell him I was about to go in for surgery. Thankfully he was allowed to come visit me once the surgery was complete.

After surgery I was told that the cyst in my ovary was so large it was causing me to bleed internally. In addition, I had several lesions from endometriosis, scar tissue and my ovary was attached to my uterine wall, all reasons for the immense pain I was in. My OBGYN couldn’t believe I had gone that many days in pain. I had never felt so vindicated and so mad at the “care givers” at the ER who made me feel like a crazy person. Unfortunately, during my surgery my doctor also found that my only viable Fallopian tube was now completely blocked. Which leaves me here, at the beginning of my journey with <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. I have just started processing everything... and don’t really know where to begin. I’m mostly posting this in hopes there are others out there who have had similar experiences or any words of encouragement as I start this scary journey. I would also love any advice anyone could send my way!

Sending love to all the ladies out there who have struggled with TTC. We are in it together.

-S