I come here to vent because no one judges me here. So today is really hard for me. I’ll tell you why.. Me and my husband of almost 6 years have been trying for a baby for some time now. I have pcos so it’s a little more difficult than we thought it would be. I’m currently on my second round of clomid this year. (Not counting the other three rounds a few years back.) Last December when my father n law was in the hospital, our nephew (17) informed the family that he got his gf pregnant. (Also 17). My first reaction was anger. Mad at god, mad at these kids because they have nothing at this point, mad at her grandmother for not helping prevent it. And mad at myself. “That should be me” I thought. I should be announcing, getting ultrasounds, and feeling baby kicking. My mother n law raised him so of course she’s very invested physically and financially for her great grandchild. I’m jealous. She’s not baby shopping with me. She’s not happy for me.. well today is the day she had the baby. I can’t help but be upset. I know I shouldn’t be. But I’ve had a hard time accepting this. I don’t even want to see the baby because I’m scared I can’t put on a happy face. I’m mad that no matter how hard I try, jealousy comes back and I’m upset again. I want to be happy for them. But I’ve wanted a baby for so long. We’ve planned our lives around having kids and then this happens. I hope this feeling goes away. I don’t blame the child at all. I’m just upset about the situation. It’s feels like life punched me in the gut and put me down and I don’t know how to get back up.. Sorry this was so long. I just needed to put this out there.