I am not broken.

I thought I was, for a really long time. My home and school life as a child made me scared of everybody. I grew to feel like I was an unlikable person. I thought it would always be this way. I thought everyone would reject me. I was so scared and felt disconnected from other humans. I had very little social skills and my anxiety was high when I had to talk to people. I made myself start going to work, church, social gatherings and parties and actually talk to others. It was extremely hard and I thought I couldn’t do it but I needed to. With time and a ton of mental conditioning, I began to realize, I could have friends and I wasn’t unlikable by all. Now days I really enjoy going to parties, meeting new people and the old fear.. almost doesn’t exist anymore. I wrecked my first car two days after I started driving it. The car was totaled but everyone inside was okay. I realized how easily I could lose my life, my daughter and injure or kill other families. I was terrified of driving. I didn’t drive again for over a year. Every time I sat behind that wheel, my heart would pound and it was hard to breath.. hard to think. The fear was crippling and I thought I would never be able to shake it. Eventually I had to gain some independence and started small. I would stay on small streets, try to only take right turns and always drive the same path. I drove myself to work feeling like I was going to crash and die every second I was in the car. Over time, my path became comfortable. I did it! I was driving! I had to keep going. I eventually started taking new streets and worked myself up to the main road. I had a very important person pushing and encouraging me and eventually drove into a city! Everything was still terrifying but it felt sooo good. I never thought I could do it and I did. I still get scared going to new places and will try to get out of it if I can, but every time I push myself I realize that I am capable. I’ve had really bad anxiety. It felt like I was being chased by a serial killer in triggering situations but I still pushed myself. I did not overcome anxiety but I made myself conquer my biggest fears that came along with it. I refuse to let anxiety be who I am. To everyone who’s struggling, make yourself uncomfortable. Make yourself break inside because eventually, you can break those chains.