Was it me?

It has been over two years since my last miscarriage. My first miscarriage was September 26, 2015. My second was December 27, 2015. Then I had my oldest daughter October 11, 2016. I had my third miscarriage February 19, 2018. I had my youngest daughter February 19, 2019.

My sister-in-lawIs currently pregnant with her first. We just got confirmation that baby looks good and is growing well. I can’t help but feel sad for myself but excited for her and the adventure she’s going to be taking. I am sad because I had to lose two in order to have one. I still question whether it’s been me all along, not anything that I’ve done. But my eggs, is it my eggs?

After five years, I still question everything. I still miss my babies. I still wish more than anything that I can hold them. Meet them... I want them back.. 

I want another baby so bad, but I’m so afraid to lose another one.