I’m 17 almost 18 years old, and I’m a virgin. I have been masturbating for a couple years now but I have never been able to orgasm or cum. My boyfriend (who is eventually going to be my husband) and I have talked about it a few times, and he says it’s going to be ok, but I just can’t help but think about much I must disappoint him when we have “FaceTime sex” together because he cums for me every time but I’ve never been able to once for him these past 5 months. We are long distance (2110 miles apart) and we FaceTime everyday, talking through everything that is bothering us. When we got together, we knew that complete transparent communication, 100% complete honesty, and pure love for each other were key. We tell each other everything. Literally.

Today, June 25, I wanted to be able to give him that this morning, but once again, my body disappoints me... and him... I suffer from major clinical depression and anxiety, so after we get off our call, I can’t help but cry, feeling like I will not be enough for him. He tells me that I am more than enough but I just feel like a piece is missing, making me feel like all I do is let him down, make him feel like he isn’t good enough to be able to make me finish.

I imagine the pleasure scale like a ruler:

There are 11 inches. 1-11.

(Hopefully y’all can see the example I attempted to make, let me know if you can’t)

I can get to 10, but I can’t make it to 11– like I can feel the orgasm building, but the second before I can orgasm, I lose it.

I feel broken, like I’m not supposed to be able to cum. What is wrong with me? I’m so depressed and I just want to be able to ONCE. JUST ONCE.

*excuse me, I’m going to go back to my bed and cry more*