I’m working on recovery (compulsive eating/ restricting tendencies) I’d like some support/ maybe just get it off my chest. I don’t know if this is crazy or detrimental to my recovery—-

I am dating someone that is also in Eating disorder recovery.

I may have repressed sexual trauma in my past. I’m a virgin. I’ve come to find out my ED/ being repulsed by my body and ED thinking making me pity my partner or feel like I don’t deserve pleasure...

all that is weird and hard to compact. Anyone relate or have any support?

Next- I find I’m attracted to bigger bodies. That’s VERY confusing for me (and I can’t mention it to my partner bc it would send her ED into over drive. She’s been weight restored— according to her team and is working on accepting her body.) As I allow myself to have sexual desires I find myself more attracted to bigger bodies. I like my partner as she is- I’d never try to impose any thing. I just find myself more attracted to bigger bodies and it fascinates me to see people eat (over eat/ indulge) with out caring, I find it kind of pleasing.

Since I feel so bad indulging and I find weight on me repulsive it’s very confusing that I like/ admire it on others.

Any one relate, have any advice? Hope this isn’t too odd. Thanks anyone out there